Family

There is one thing on earth that can bring a person the greatest joy they will ever be able to experience, and that can stress one to the point of breaking.

Family.

I have quite an unusual family situation. I come from a polygamous marriage and as a result, I have had to deal with four extended families and have many siblings. For those of you reading this and thinking, “What the f*&!?” – I am Muslim and polygamy is allowed in my religion.

It is way to tedious to explain but the gist of it is 4 parents and 12 children...11 now, since one of my brothers passed on 10 years ago.

Naturally, when a man finds himself with more than one wife, he has to split his time equally between them and growing up, we did not have the luxury of having a “full-time” dad, as he had to spend time with his other wife and children also.

I find myself presently living with both of my parents for the first time, as our other mom passed away in 2009. Growing up, we did not always see our father, but my mother enforced his rules and made his presence felt, even when he was not there. But I have to say, living with him all the time is different. Before, he used to come to us when it was our days in the evenings after work, and sometimes he would spend time with us, but a lot of the time he was tired from work, and usually went to bed early. It wasn’t a normal arrangement by society’s standards, but it was normal to us. It didn’t allow my father to really get to know us though.

Now that we’re in each others’ faces all the time, it’s definitely taking some getting used to.

To say that my father is a slightly difficult person would be me understating things a bit. He likes certain things, he likes them a certain way. He is a very generous and huge-hearted person, but is forgetful about everyday mundane things. And he works wayyyy too hard for someone who really does not need to work at his pace, and who is beyond the age of retirement already. One thing that I don’t think I will ever get used to is that he can hold a grudge for an amazingly long length of time...he once did not speak to me for a few months because I had cut my hair (he likes long hair and when I was younger, I was never allowed to cut it. Needless to say, when I turned 18, I just didn’t care). And when he’s pissed at someone, he doesn’t talk at all.

But, as I am the child, and still living under his roof (and by extension, his rules) I take the mood swings. What I am starting to worry about is how much I can take before I resent it.

Parents become like children as they grow older...not because they need to be taken care of physically, but more because they become demanding emotionally. My mom gets very worked up if we don’t spend time with her, even if it’s just by sitting and watching TV with her. My dad is always scolding us about the fact that we don’t spend enough time with him.

But as I said, I take it. Because not too long ago, we were more demanding of them in that way.

And nothing will ever repay what your parents do for you. One minute they can annoy you to the point where you want to jump out of the window, and the next minute, they’re taking you to a lawyer’s office and making you sign the deed to a house they bought for you...for no reason at all.

My folks drive me crazy a lot of the time, but I wouldn’t trade mine for anything in the whole world.

My siblings are quite the same as my folks...they can drive me up the wall but are always there for me, whether it is to listen to me moan, comfort me when I have bad news or make a huge deal when I have good news. And there are 11 of us...and we’re all different, no two personalities exactly alike, so there are always fireworks.

I can tell some of my siblings everything...and with the others, I have to suppress my natural exuberance a bit. I can hug and kiss some of my brothers and sisters, but with the others, I don’t have that kind of relationship. Some of them get my really gross and weird sense of humour...some of them find it really offensive.

So yeah, always some kind of firework.

But I know, if I am in the biggest shit of my life, I have a squad behind me to dig me out and wash the shit off.